Fic: Sirius v. the Pie

Title: Sirius v. the Pie
Author: victoria p. [victoria @ unfitforsociety.net]
Summary: All Sirius wanted was a piece of pie.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling and Scholastic/Bloomsbury etc.; this piece of fan-written fiction intends no infringement on any copyrights.
Archive: Lists, Achromatic.
Feedback: Better than pie, even!
Notes: For Mousapelli on her birthday. Thanks to Flora and Bow for the beta, and to Nifra and Bethy for being sparkly.
Date: April 19, 2005

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Sirius v. the Pie

All Sirius wanted was a piece of pie. Molly had dropped it off, along with a cauldron of stew for dinner, about ten minutes ago, and it was preying on Sirius's mind. He could smell it, even without heightened dog senses -- the luscious scent of apples and cinnamon wafting through the house -- and it was distracting him from the research he was supposed to be doing. He looked up from the book he wasn't reading and saw Remus wearing a puzzled expression, brow furrowed, nostrils flared, and he knew Remus had caught the scent as well.

Remus put down the quill he'd been holding and said, "I think we need a break." His eyes laughed, though his expression was bland.

Sirius jumped off the sofa. If he'd been in dog form, his tail would have been wagging excitedly, and even in human form he gave a little wriggle of sheer pleasure. He hadn't often felt like this since he'd come back to Grimmauld Place, but Remus's tone and look suggested that pie was not the only thing in the offing.

Once in the kitchen, Remus checked to make sure Kreacher was not lurking about and Sirius pulled two dishes, two forks and a knife from the cabinets. He'd never expected to be part of a scene of such domestic contentment in this house, the nightmare home of his childhood, but with Remus and pie to keep him company, he thought he might be able to take pleasure in things, even here.

The pie was a truly beautiful specimen -- the crumb topping a perfect golden brown, the dish still faintly warm from the oven, and the scent of spiced apples curling delicately through the air.

He picked up the knife to make the first cut and found himself overcome with the desire for coffee.

"A cup of coffee would go really well with this, don't you think?" he asked, laying the knife down and walking over to the coffee pot.

"I'd prefer a cold glass of milk, actually," Remus answered.

They nodded at each other and each poured out the beverage of his choice, meeting again at the kitchen table, near the pie.

This close, even over the pie's delicious fragrance, Sirius could smell Remus's hair, his skin, the slight hint of sweat mingled with soap. He licked his lips and slid a hand over the nape of Remus's neck. Remus turned and their lips met in a gentle kiss that soon grew heated.

Sirius lost himself in the soft heat of Remus's mouth, the feel of wool and skin and hair under his fingers. He scooted up onto the solid oak table, and Remus stood between his knees, bending to press kisses to his mouth and face. He leaned back and knocked into Remus's glass of milk, which spilled all over as the glass toppled onto the floor and shattered.

They jumped apart, startled.

"Sorry," he said, using his wand to clean up the mess.

Remus was gazing at the pie again, that puzzled look back on his face, though now his lips were kiss-swollen and his cheeks were flushed. He looked as delicious as the pie smelled, Sirius thought. He was contemplating pushing Remus down onto the table and kissing him some more when Remus's voice interrupted.

"I think there's a distraction charm on this pie."

"What?"

"I think the pie doesn't want us to eat it."

"What kind of pie does want to be eaten?"

"The normal kind?" Remus's mouth twitched but he kept a straight face. "Or maybe it's not normal, but suicidal?"

"Kamikaze pie," Sirius mused. "Afraid of shaming its illustrious pie ancestors? The delicious rhubarb? The delectable blueberry? The luscious lemon meringue?" He shook his head. "That's insane."

Remus finally gave in and laughed. "Yes, but I think I'm right."

"What does the pie want us to do, then?"

"Drink coffee and shag on the kitchen table?" Remus wore a roguish grin.

"Well, it's a pie with good taste, then." He raised his wand, considering countercharms and hexes. "Let's hope it tastes good, too." Remus rolled his eyes but Sirius ignored him. "Finite Incantatum!" he said. He wasn't sure what he'd expected to happen, but nothing did, at least that he could see. He tried another charm. "Cede!" He turned to Remus. "Why are passive commands in Latin the same as active infinitives? That doesn't seem right for some reason. It's always kind of bothered me."

Remus rubbed his chin thoughtfully, his eyes alight at the idea of research. Sirius thought he might encourage this, because Remus was damned sexy in research mode. "I don't know. I think there're some linguistics texts in the library. Do you want to-- Bugger." He shook his head and laughed ruefully. "It's doing it again."

Sirius growled. "Sodding pie. I know a few good hexes--"

"Sirius, I don't think hexing it's a--"

Sirius ignored him and flicked his wand again. "Displodi!"

The pie exploded, covering them in apple filling and crumbs. After the first moment of surprise, Remus burst into laughter.

"You-- You--" he began, but couldn't get any other words out. He laughed so hard he had to clutch at Sirius to remain upright. Sirius joined him, leaning back against the table, wrapping his arms around Remus and holding him close.

Once their laughter had subsided into soft snickers, Sirius shifted slightly, the press of Remus's body against his calling to mind other things he'd been hungry for earlier.

"Well, I was hoping to eat it off a plate," Remus said, licking at Sirius's apple-covered cheek, obviously thinking along the same lines, "but I suppose this will do."

Sirius squirmed against him, happily sampling bits of pie clinging to Remus's face and neck, savoring the spicy-tart flavor of apples and cinnamon mingled with the salt tang of Remus's skin, the flesh-sweet taste of Remus's tongue.

He had Remus backed up against the icebox and was attempting to get him out of his robes when he saw a flare of green from the corner of his eye.

Molly's voice called out, "Remus? Sirius? I just wanted to tell you--" They sprang apart and whirled to see her head in the fire. She coughed, and though it was difficult to tell with the green flames surrounding her, Sirius thought she was blushing beet red. "Oh, dear. I'm sorry to interrupt. I-- Well, you see, the pie plate is charmed not to allow the pie to be eaten until it's time for dessert. The boys used to sneak pieces and ruin their supper, and that simply wouldn't do." She was embarrassed, babbling, and Remus was wearing his polite listening face, but Sirius saw the laughter in his eyes.

"We've already discovered that, Molly," Remus said gently, wiping bits of crumb topping Sirius had missed off his cheek.

"Can you tell us the countercharm?" Sirius interrupted, more interested in getting back to the business at hand. "Finite Incantatum didn't work."

She flushed again. "Of course not," she said with a sniff. "That would hardly stop Fred and George now, would it?" Sirius had to concede the point; he inclined his head briefly. "It's a combination, actually, of Alohomora and Persuadere."

"So I was close," Sirius murmured.

Remus nodded. "You were."

"I've still got it, Moony."

"Not quite," Remus replied, brushing crumbs out of Sirius's hair. He leaned around to smile at her, heedless of his half-undone robe. "Thank you, Molly."

"Mmm, yes," Sirius agreed. "The pie tastes wonderful with-- Ouch!" Remus had just stepped heavily on his foot.

"I'll just be going then," Molly said, disappearing from view before either of them could respond.

Sirius pouted at Remus. "What'd you do that for? I was just going to tell her that pie a la Remus is even better than pie a la mode."

Remus shook his head, but his mouth curved in a wide smile. "Daft bastard."

Sirius kissed him soundly and returned to the highly enjoyable task of removing Remus's robe. "You wouldn't want me any other way."

end

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*Note - Sirius's complaint about Latin is a direct quote from mousapelli herself. The phrase "kamikaze pie" came from Nifra.

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Hope you like it, darlin'!

Happy Birthday!